Category / Freedom

by tracycpoetry

A Simple Haiku

Obviously….

By the number of words on this website, I use a lot of them. I love words.

Words are such a beautiful tool for connecting and communicating.

But sometimes…. words fall on unhearing ears sifted through filters of fear. And it is time to simply stop the talk and let go.

I found a spot yesterday where so much was expressed and released in silence.

And I find it only took the 17 simple syllables of a Haiku to sum it up:

Day moon 
stamped sky

Quiet creek
by the road

Heart flies free
as I let go
by tracycpoetry

Obsessing Over Outcomes

As I sat outside this morning watching birds and preparing myself mentally for the week ahead, I thought I bit about the weeks behind. I thought most about how I spent my time. My burnt up life minutes tend not to be from what I do, but from what I do after I do. 🤷‍♀️ Let me explain….

I’ll work hard at work for a great referral that doesn’t end up working out. But instead of a quickly assessing and learning what I can do better the next time around, I might spend hours mentally beating myself up and negatively impacting the things I’m doing now.

And posting online on my days off is not the problem. I’m a creative, a writer, and a blogger. It’s a great outlet. The problem comes when after I submit the post, I go back again and again looking for likes and other positive feedbacks or spinning downward because it’s not doing as well as I has hoped.

My goal for this day, this week, this moment is to do, create, be and then release. Once it’s out there, I’ll only hurt myself if I sit and obsess and don’t let that outcome go.

And, as they often do…. My thoughts turned into a little poem….

When I take an honest look 
At the time I spend
And the time I waste
It's not so much doing a thing
That takes my time away
It's when I do a thing
But then don't release
And keep obsessing over the outcome
Like checking for likes again and again
Or beating myself up over
The account I didn't win
That is the danger zone
Where my future could fade
Into my own obsessions
by tracycpoetry

An Unexpected Cure for Procrastination

The procrastination cure may not be what you think….

It may require soul searching and evening therapy to root out what may be blocking your progress rather than yet another self help book or career coach.

I’ve struggled with procrastination my whole life. I’m only now learning that I’m not lazy or inefficient or a whole slew of other things I may call myself.

This journey is different for everyone, but it was a drilldown to a root of shame that is setting me on a journey toward freedom from procrastination. In my childhood, most attempts at participation in anything – from playground games (I was small and awkward) to simply speaking to classmates (I had a severe speech impediment) were met with ridicule and shame.

Fast forward several decades….. Even though I’ve long outgrown my skinny awkwardness and I even do public speaking now, I often find myself putting off the most simple of tasks. You see, certain responses were burned into my brain during my formative years (and, unfortunately, reinforced by some destructive relationships in my adulthood). To avoid the pain of relentless bullying on the playground at recess or lunch, I would simply avoid the pain of participation by hiding out in the library or the bathroom. So even in adulthood when faced with something to do, my first response is to dodge.

That’s when I have to tell that little girl that hid in the library or bathroom that it’s not her show anymore. “Grown Tracy” is taking charge now and realizes that in this present moment, avoidance in the form of procrastination will only bring pain rather than being a rescue from bullies that now exist only in my brain.

So, perhaps…. untangling from shame is the hidden key to unleashing focus and productivity.

by tracycpoetry

Frozen by Feelings

I’ve been there…. way too many times.

  • I’ve lashed out at a loved one because I felt so strongly that they needed my version of help – bringing a cold chill to our relationship.
  • I’ve procrastinated to the point I couldn’t preform my best because I didn’t feel worthy or capable of the task at hand…. I simply “froze up”.

In short, I’ve been frozen in my tracks from doing the very things my Maker designed me to do because of my feelings.

But, I’m not going to be able to turn my feelings off. Nor should I. Feeling things deeply and intensely is simply part of my Maker’s unique design of me.

I’m learning to love myself and the way I feel things so deeply – even though I’ve spend much of my life wanting to turn my feelings off. And I’ve been told by many well-intended people that I could and even should simply not feel so deeply.

Again… there is just no “off switch” for these feelings of mine.

The lesson I am learning is that I can choose to do the things I need to do in spite of deep sensitivity and strong waves of emotion….. or even learn do things with my own unique brand of excellence because I am learning to channel the depths of these feelings into what I’m doing rather than being frozen in my tracks because of them.

When Maker instructed us to “Choose life that you may live” (Deuteronomy 30:19), there was no caveat of “unless your feelings don’t let you”. But He will give us the strength to follow His steps through the midst of those feelings, much the way he led the Israelites out of Egypt through the middle of the Red Sea. (This story is found in Exodus 14:19-31)

All of this is why this quote from Mel Robbins hit home today:

“Your feelings aren’t a choice. Your behavior and your actions always are.”

May “the same power that rose Jesus from the grave” (Romans 8:11) give you the strength to embrace everything your Maker has for you to do and be in the midst of everything you’re feeling today.

by tracycpoetry

Paradox

For today’s blog post: some photography from 5 years ago paired with a little lunchtime poetry….

PARADOX

in the breaking

lies the becoming

in the standing still

the strength for running

out of deepest anguish

lies great healing

ugliness exposed is

beauty’s revealing

unending paradox

lies in this mystery

what we’re avoiding

may just set us free

©2021 Tracy Mauro

by tracycpoetry

The Meaning of the Ring I Wear

Since there isn’t much left of May, I thought I’d post the picture of the ring I wear for Mental Health Awareness month. Mental illness is not only survivable, it can also form a strength, resilience, and empathy like little else can. However – if unspoken, unadressed, and untreated it can kill – or cause life to feel like a walking death.

After coming through a long dark season in my life that would have killed me had I not reached out for help – I had this ring designed. I borrowed the semicolon from a movement that started some years back using the punctuation mark as as a symbol for mental health awareness and suicide prevention. Just as a semicolon indicates there is more of the sentence to come, it became a declarations that “My story isn’t over!”

And – as for the Greek symbols, my Maker has many Names, but one of my favorites is “The Alpha and Omega” which describes Him as the Beginning and the End – the Eternal One.

I decided to combine the symbols into one I wear all the time to remind me of this: My story’s not over because it’s all wrapped up in His Eternal Story.

So… if you’re feeling listless and lifeless inside because of this strange season our world is in or for any other reason – please reach out and tell someone. You are not alone… but continued hiding will make you feel like you are.

Please keep the pages of your story turning because you are a very important chapter in the story of our world and the story of our God.

by tracycpoetry

Why July 4th is NOT my True Independence Day

(Alternate Blog Title: What Moving to Atlanta, Driving along the Trail of Tears, and visiting a Penitentiary taught me about Independence Day)

Personally, although I enjoy so many blessings by having been born in the USA, I don’t call today – July 4th in particular – Independence Day.

Moving to Atlanta, which once had been a city filled with slavery, and some of the history of the Civil Rights Movement I am learning here has helped establish this opinion of mine. I also now live so near the starting place of the Trail of Tears where so many Native Americans were driven from their Homeland and many lost their lives in the process.

In fact, this past weekend when I took some back roads to Tennessee to visit with my Dad, some historical markers let me know that I was driving part of the route of the actual trail of tears. I don’t know if it’s the strong longing for justice I have in me or the bit of Native American in my bloodline, but that knowing gave me chills.

Also, one of the places my Dad wanted to visit on his birthday weekend was the historic Brushy Mountain State Penitentiary which has now been closed and made into a museum. As we were sitting in the room watching the presentation and history of the place, we were told that the last use of the room we sat in before the prison closed was a chapel. And, in that place, over 1000 inmates – some of whom would die there and never know another day of physical freedom on earth, found true freedom in that place as they were baptized into faith in Christ. So those men their Independence Day behind imposing prison bars and razor wire.

So, to me – today is not Independence Day. Because there are so many countries and people who have no chance at the freedoms many of us in this country know, largely due to the fact that we often choose to pour the wealth our freedom creates back into ourselves.

So, although July 4th is the date The States became independent of Great Britain, I cannot – in good conscience – refer to it as Independence Day.

But there is good news! Because of the resilient human spirit breathed into us by our Maker and the freedom and purpose made available to us through the sacrifice of Jesus, every single day can be our Independence Day!

From the history that has formed our lives but doesn’t have to define our lives… from the hurts, habits, and hang-ups that bless us with brokenness that keeps us dependent on our Maker to soar even higher in life by His Spirit instead of our own futile efforts… from having to be in control… by surrendering to our Maker, we can call each and every day Independence Day.

So, tonight – rather than attend fireworks, I will attend my Celebrate Recovery meeting at my church as I do on most Thursday nights to enjoy the authentic fellowship and solid teaching and principles that enable me to find true freedom to rise above hurts, habits, and hangups. And, the first weekend in August I will join others at historic Ebenezer Baptist Church for the 400 Conference by the One Race Movement because almost exactly 400 years to the day the first slaves were brought to these shores. You see, I believe the best celebration of freedom isn’t commemorating a date when some politicians signed some papers. Rather, a true celebration of freedom looks to me like definitive steps taken to obtain and maintain true freedom for ALL.

Today, tomorrow, forever – let’s choose to live free so we can truly say “Happy Independence Day”, friends!

🇺🇸🦋💕